I think in everything and nothing; 

pointless quips send me spinning, 

and sometimes I forget to breathe.

each exhale begins to be too much; 

maybe I just want to stop. 

I wish my brain would let my words explode, 

instead of shielding its insecurities. 

punch me, you damn coward– 

but I can’t take risks like that 

not at the chance of losing. 

speaking hurts; tell me what you need to hear.

now a dangerous silence hangs, 

screaming that it's my turn. 

I can’t be asking stupid questions 

not when I’m standing in front of you, 

like the idiot I am. 

creatures of self doubt climb from shadows, 

whispering vile truths in my ears. 

I wish that by touching my skin 

you could understand all I feel. 

my love for you has the grasp of an iron first,

yet my confidence in you can barely stand straight

how could I believe that you can recognize me when

your eyes are filled with horror? 

I need you to know there is a war in my mind. 

be careful. 

these thoughts are crowding in my head, 

packing in and unable to escape; 

but no words seem capable of an explanation. 

my eyes glaze over in adoration when I see you;

perhaps this is why I stand silent. 

I can not ask for anything, 

when I should be playing catch up 

my own eyes can tell me 

even if I love you more,

all attempts end in failure. 

you have always been better. 

and I’m terrified to mess up. 

my feet are frozen 

I am planted in this horrible place; 

us humans, we like familiarity. 

in some masochistic way, 

how can I deny the fault is mine? 

I have been rooted and grown here.

but I want nothing more than to escape.