Where Do You Go When You Disappear?

My love,

Where do you go when you disappear?

I shut my eyes and reach for your lips.

I want you to feel the tingling in the cracks of my skin, too.

And the air is still warm in the space where you sat just a moment ago.

I dare not see, for I fear I am right. I would rather be wrong,

and see you disappointed in me

for thinking that you’d leave,

than be so right,

and so alone.

My fingers grasp at cold nothing.

Your ghost sends chills through my bones.

What do you do when you disappear?

I know you remember I am patient. I know myself to be quiet

and

still.

My only movements are of the vein and lung—hidden, hidden, so you cannot even see.

Your one fault is that you are in love with a fool.

I am only a jester,

for my joking words betray me so often,

confessing the desperation of man.

For you, I know no silence. Waiting for your warmth to return, I breathe through every pore and my heart sits heavy on my tongue.

My heart is warm, did you know?

It pumps so loud I want to swallow it and keep it in my chest where my ribs muffle its sounds.

But I must show you my heart—it beats only for you.

With tears,

Always Waiting