Content warning: This work contains depictions of self-harm/suicidal ideation.

Coming to you live from the corner of– er was it North and Chestnut? Walnut? We’re forgetting just anything out here now, isn’t it. Right, back to the real show.

It’s 8 PM America, we all need more to live for and less children, but hey, someone’s got an interesting take on life here. Now Jill, go and focus the camera on that disaster over there! That's right ladies and gentlemen, an orange peeler on the roof. Man, I wish someone could come and skin this ripe clementine for me right about now. My hands just don’t move quite like that anymore. Forgotten how to do those useless things, like brewin’ the morning coffee. I’ve got a better purpose than the dregs of someone else’s world. Don’t want to be stuck in the mud, cleaning all these messes, now do we? Bet that’s what that washout does now, bumbling about waitin’ for someone who can’t be bothered to peel an orange. Laugh track plays. Ah, sorry. I forgot in this New America we can’t say all these things. I reckon I’ve been distracted. And I’ve still got this nice old orange, wouldn’t it be nice to eat it now?

C’mon now Jill, don’t be like that, the viewers want to see that disgusting thing. Yes, disgusting. I’d downright be distraught if I was ever so worthless. Now we’ve got you up and close to the orange peeler herself, doing… something not apparent. No matter. Residents on the West End have been reportin’ seeing this thing leanin’ on those green electrical boxes outside her house. She used to be normal n’ all they used to say, always helpin’ out the community, workin’ a nice job. Then once a mere kid asked her to peel an orange, and suddenly they all did. Funny way to get a nickname. What is it that makes you go up and crazy like that– that’s not appropriate? Apologies. It seems that milquetoast would be a more appropriate way to describe this orange peeler. But how can you be asked to give thanks to a creature. Look at that, barely anything human left. Only good for peeling a fruit. A righteous man like me doesn’t owe anything at all to that. Neither do those poor residents either. 

Woah, zoom in now Jill, it’s gotten up and movin’ now! Look at that ladies and gentlemen, reckon she’s heard me? She’s stumblin’ around too. Here, here, look here! I’ve got a nice clementine for ya! (The creature looks at him in a snarly sort of manner. The orange makes it contort intensely.) Huh. I thought you’d be more excited. (The creature moves forward bit by bit, moving towards the sounds of the city streets below, but pausing before the roof’s edge.) She’s not even so ugly after all, if only she’d fix up that hair, everything would be quite alright. There’s many more stories to cover tonight, we ought to get movin’ now Jill. No, don’t bother about what it does. Well folks, it’s about a wrap for this fella tonight. We’ve got much else to worry about as broadcasters. Oh! And there it goes! What a long way down! That’s gotta take guts, doesn’t it?